34 Funny Quotes

Search within the 34 Funny Quotes
34
A little lie is like a little pregnancy-it doesn't take long before everyone knows.
- C.S. Lewis
101

33
Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side.
- Zig Ziglar
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32
A book reads the better which is our own, and has been so long known to us, that we know the topography of its blots, and dog's ears, and can trace the dirt in it to having read it at tea with buttered muffins.
- Assorted Authors
1

31
Man is an exception, whatever else he is. If he is not the image of God, then he is a disease of the dust. If it is not true that a divine being fell, then we can only say that one of the animals went entirely off its head.
- G.K. Chesterton
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30
New roads; new ruts.
- G.K. Chesterton
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29
The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir.
- Thomas Fuller
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28
A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road.
- Henry Ward Beecher
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27
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
- Assorted Authors
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26
He that but looketh on a plate of ham and eggs to lust after it hath already committed breakfast with it in his heart.
- C.S. Lewis
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25
Music with dinner is an insult both to the cook and the violinist.
- G.K. Chesterton
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24
I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.
- Francis Bacon
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23
Lying in bed would be an altogether perfect and supreme experience if only one had a colored pencil long enough to draw on the ceiling.
- G.K. Chesterton
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22
Keep thy eyes wide open before marriage; and half shut afterward.
- Thomas Fuller
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21
The trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed.
- C.S. Lewis
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20
I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.
- Assorted Authors
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19
Clothes and manners do not make the man; but, when he is made, they greatly improve his appearance.
- Henry Ward Beecher
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18
The only way of catching a train I have ever discovered is to miss the train before.
- G.K. Chesterton
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17
Remember, man does not live on bread alone: sometimes he needs a little buttering up.
- John C. Maxwell
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16
No man is sane who does not know how to be insane on proper occasions.
- Henry Ward Beecher
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15
I have made this letter longer than usual, only because I have not had the time to make it shorter.
- Blaise Pascal
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14
I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the US congress.
- Ronald Reagan
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13
Never invoke the gods unless you really want them to appear. It annoys them very much.
- G.K. Chesterton
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12
By perseverance the snail reached the ark.
- Charles Spurgeon
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11
It's so much easier to pray for a bore than to go and see one.
- C.S. Lewis
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10
The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.
- G.K. Chesterton
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Total Quotes Found: 34 // Page 1 (quotes 1-25)

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