34 Funny Quotes

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A little lie is like a little pregnancy-it doesn't take long before everyone knows.
- C.S. Lewis
Man is an exception, whatever else he is. If he is not the image of God, then he is a disease of the dust. If it is not true that a divine being fell, then we can only say that one of the animals went entirely off its head.
- G.K. Chesterton
New roads; new ruts.
- G.K. Chesterton
The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir.
- Thomas Fuller
Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side.
- Zig Ziglar
A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road.
- Henry Ward Beecher
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
- Assorted Authors
He that but looketh on a plate of ham and eggs to lust after it hath already committed breakfast with it in his heart.
- C.S. Lewis
Music with dinner is an insult both to the cook and the violinist.
- G.K. Chesterton
I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.
- Francis Bacon
Lying in bed would be an altogether perfect and supreme experience if only one had a colored pencil long enough to draw on the ceiling.
- G.K. Chesterton
Keep thy eyes wide open before marriage; and half shut afterward.
- Thomas Fuller
The trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed.
- C.S. Lewis
I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.
- Assorted Authors
Clothes and manners do not make the man; but, when he is made, they greatly improve his appearance.
- Henry Ward Beecher
The only way of catching a train I have ever discovered is to miss the train before.
- G.K. Chesterton
Remember, man does not live on bread alone: sometimes he needs a little buttering up.
- John C. Maxwell
No man is sane who does not know how to be insane on proper occasions.
- Henry Ward Beecher
I have made this letter longer than usual, only because I have not had the time to make it shorter.
- Blaise Pascal
I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the US congress.
- Ronald Reagan
Never invoke the gods unless you really want them to appear. It annoys them very much.
- G.K. Chesterton
By perseverance the snail reached the ark.
- Charles Spurgeon
It's so much easier to pray for a bore than to go and see one.
- C.S. Lewis
The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.
- G.K. Chesterton
A book reads the better which is our own, and has been so long known to us, that we know the topography of its blots, and dog's ears, and can trace the dirt in it to having read it at tea with buttered muffins.
- Assorted Authors
Total Quotes Found: 34 // Page 1 (quotes 1-25)

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