34 Funny Quotes

  • "The formula 'Two and two make five' is not without its attractions."

    - Fyodor Dostoevsky
    Topics: Humorous

  • "Going to the opera, like getting drunk, is a sin that carries its own punishment with it and that a very severe one."

    - Hannah More
    Topics: Drunkenness, Humorous

  • "Good executives never put off until tomorrow what they can get someone else to do today."

    - John C. Maxwell
    Topics: Achievement, Humorous

  • "Don't use words too big for the subject. Don't say 'infinitely' when you mean 'very'; otherwise you'll have no word left when you want to talk about something really infinite."

    C.S. Lewis
    Topics: Humorous

  • "God likes a little humor, as is evidence by the fact that he made the monkeys, the parrot -- and some of you people."

    - Billy Sunday
    Topics: Humorous

  • "When I was young, I said to God, "God, tell me the mystery of the universe." But God answered, "That knowledge is reserved for me alone." So I said, "God, tell me the mystery of the peanut." Then God said, "Well George, that's more nearly your size." And he told me."

    - George Washington Carver
    Topics: Life, Humorous, Youth

  • "All things I thought I knew; but now confess, the more I know I know, I know the less."

    - John Owen
    Topics: Humility, Humorous

  • "A woman means by unselfishness chiefly taking trouble for others; a man means not giving trouble to others. Thus each sex regards the other as basically selfish."

    C.S. Lewis
    Topics: Humorous, Selfishness

  • "Women, can't live with them, can't live without them."

    - Desiderius Erasmus
    Topics: Humorous, Women

  • "A book reads the better which is our own, and has been so long known to us, that we know the topography of its blots, and dog's ears, and can trace the dirt in it to having read it at tea with buttered muffins."

    - Assorted Authors
    Topics: Books, Humorous, Reading

  • "The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese."

    - G.K. Chesterton
    Topics: Humorous

  • "It's so much easier to pray for a bore than to go and see one."

    C.S. Lewis
    Topics: Humorous, Prayer

  • "By perseverance the snail reached the ark."

    - Charles Spurgeon
    Topics: Perseverance, Humorous

  • "Never invoke the gods unless you really want them to appear. It annoys them very much."

    - G.K. Chesterton
    Topics: Humorous

  • "I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the US congress."

    - Ronald Reagan
    Topics: Justice, Humorous

Total Quotes Found: 34 // Page 1 (quotes 1-15)
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